There’s an old saying: ‘It’s lonely at the top.’ I hear it all too often. We might feel isolated because it’s hard to know who to trust. We may not know who to confide in because there are so many conflicting, self-centred, agendas crashing into us. It’s common for many of us to have been burned through trusting the wrong people. But that doesn’t mean that you need to cut yourself off from exchanging ideas and collaborating with others. In fact, doing so is a huge mistake.
In fact, our collaborative minds enable us to do amazing things and we find true genius in the ways we create intelligence using the community around us. Manfred F.R. Kets de Vries, in the HBR article, Why It’s So Hard to Ask for Help, suggests, ‘Of course, there’s nothing wrong with being self-reliant. It’s a much-admired trait in our society. But if you want to be fulfilled and successful at work, it’s important to acknowledge when you’re working beyond your individual capacity and be open to seeking assistance.’
He outlines several barriers to asking for help.
✳️ The fear of being vulnerable. For people who are insecure and preoccupied with others’ perceptions of them, asking for help feels like a sign of weakness.
✳️ The need to be independent. When you prioritize self-reliance and self-sufficiency, asking for help feels uncomfortable.
✳️ The fear of losing control. Some people won’t ask for help because they don’t want to be beholden to anyone.
✳️ The fear of rejection. Many of us overestimate the likelihood that the people we’re asking for help will say no.
✳️ Overempathizing with others. Some people are so attuned to the emotions of others that they anticipate reactions, such as feeling burdened, that might not materialize.
✳️ A sense of victimhood. People who go through life thinking, I don’t deserve to be helped; I’m not worthy, rarely seek support.
Kets de Vries proposes we can get better at asking for help through practice. He says, ‘…don’t make the mistake of always trying to go it alone. Be smart enough to know when you need help and to ask for it effectively.’
🙋 How do you overcome these barriers to collaboration and asking for help? 🙋♀️
Best regards, Brian
PS: If you would like to know more about the power of collaboration and exchange, it’s not too late to register for the free workshop, Practicing the Human Touch – Essential Skills for Success in 2024 to be held 9.00-10.00am AEST July 23.
CEO and co-founder of Influential U John Patterson will lead it. He will focus on the human touch in leadership and introduce you to a novel angle on team dynamics. Please invite anyone else who could be interested.
Make sure to register on Eventbrite to receive the Zoom link.